Lipstick for goats

Lipstick for goats

Monday, 5 December 2016

The art of naming our farm animals

“A name is a powerful thing. It sets one apart and gives significance.” 
 (Jessica Khoury author.) 

Therein lies my down falling.

I really enjoy naming my goats although I desperately try not to name the boys because as soon as they even have a nickname, like Chunky Monkey, which was never meant to be a real name but has stuck, they have obviously wormed their way into my soft gooey heart, and have a safe haven on Somerset Farm forever.

Recently I sold some of my baby does. As their new family were choosing the does the children were giving them names. Mischief and Imp received the new names of Tani and Sniffles; Gemma, Nutmeg and Lola being assigned to the others.

This made me think about the art of naming our farm animals. 

Mischief and Imp look so angelic while asleep, but when awake they were all over the place exploring and up to naughtiness.

Personally I think the more unique, left of field, and unusual the name for our animals the better. Unlike naming our children we can be so creative without worrying about peer acceptance.  It is such a good chance to use the names you secretly think are cool but would never lump a child with like Zelig, Fitzwater, Thaddeus, Isolde, Morticia, Bathilda.

Mind you the name still has to fit the animals’ personality. I do have a “Psycho Bitch” and a “Crazy Pants”.

Sometimes I will be holding one of my kids and a name will just pop into my head, like the babe was giving off a name vibration. Xanthe and Otis were named this way. 

I also had a Muriel, because, well, she just looked like a Muriel.

The most boring “animal” name I have within my goat herd is William. My husband named him Billy without any real thought other than he was a male goat so Billy it must be, but I hate stereotype/cliché names so I changed it to William.

This particular goat is a bit of an alpha wether, giving the other goats a hard time, so I find myself yelling at him in my five acre voice “William you are a shithead; bugger off or you will be dead meat”, forgetting my immediate human neighbour is also a William.  Oooops, poor neighbour William must wonder why I have a low opinion of him, want him to move out and possibly have a hit man after him. Perhaps it would have been better to name our goat 'Billyitmustbe'.

This also brings to mind the awkwardness of calling out for Spunk Bubble, Wizbucket, Stud Muffin, or Hunk Heartbreaker for the bucks,

but hey, if the name fits..... Sex Pistol?

Coffee was my very first hand raised wether. My son named him for his colouring, explaining he was like milk coffee. To a passerby I must have sounded like a crazed caffeine addict calling out “Coffee, where are you my gorgeous Coffee!” 

Now I have a ‘Sugar’, to go with Coffee, she is sweet as!   

My neighbour up the road names her alpacas alphabetically. If she has two crias born and she is up to P in the alphabet then a name beginning with P will be chosen for one and a Q name for the second.

Themes are a way to conjure up names for our fur babies.
Some rock band or singer names would be great for the full males swaggering around the paddock; Axl, Bowie, Elvis, Hendrix, Jagger or  Nirvana, Zeppelin, Aerosmith, Beastie Boy, Daddy Cool, Chisel, Red Hot Chilli, Spiderbait; Ok maybe not Spiderbait.

Then of course there are the classical musician names such as Wolfgang, Armadas, Ludwig and  Beethovan.  

My favourite theme – alcohol; Tia Maria, Schnapps, Dom Benedictine, Marsala, Vino, Champagne, Chardonnay, Bundy, Ouzo, Bacardi, Sherry, Kahlua, Merlot, Tequila, Smirnoff, I could go on and on but I think you have the idea. Can you imagine having a herd of goats all named after alcohol? The neighbours may wonder about your drinking habits, perhaps you should throw in a ‘Cola’ or ‘Soda’ as good measure.

Inspiration may come from film, stage, TV or literature.  Alpachino for the alpaca in your life.   Scarlet O’Hairy, Hollygoatlightly; yes they are a bit corny.   Spartacus, Apocalypse, Matrix, Bellatrix, Wookie, Atticus, Excalibur, Lady Chatterley, Shakespeare, Hemingway. 

If  I had pigs their names would definitely be Piggles Snortworth and Ophelia.

Weird Australian place names could be used –  Warialda, Mereeba, Kalli, Bouddi, Kooinda, Mooball all sound great for cattle names.

Well needless to say my husband is glad he had a say in the names of our children!

Get those creative unique juices flowing.  Let me know of the unique names you have used. I promise not to use them (my fingers are crossed behind my back) ....